Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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