I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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