: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Apparently you make a good broom.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
