I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
My cat gives me a boner
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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