I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
