I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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