Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
