I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
