i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
