I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I stole a fireplace last night.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
