So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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