Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
