Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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