I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
