I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
