Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
