I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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