he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
