from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
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