I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
