please come you make the beer taste better
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
