last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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