I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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