he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
