Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
