jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
