Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
