Can Purell be used as lube?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
