She went from zero to smokin in five shots
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
