Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
