Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
