is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
