can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
