who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
