She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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