i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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