She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
