a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
