Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
