Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
