i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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