I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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