Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
