I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
