is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
They took my balls.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
