I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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