Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
