when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
