I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
