What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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