Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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