Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
